I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
