everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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