it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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