Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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