she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
