You're so nebulous sometimes
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
