She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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