Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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