we have officially lost it.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
