My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
pop tarts are not kleenex
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
