If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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