He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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