I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
