i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
