I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
