I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
