tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't think brook has ever known best
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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