Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
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I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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