I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I forgot wine drunk hurts
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
