is your mom at the bar?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
