craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
