I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
