They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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