We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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