just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
