How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
