I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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