My hand turned me down
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The power of my boobs compel you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
