I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
