he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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