I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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