there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize