Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
