Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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