my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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