I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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