Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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