I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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