I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
