I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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