I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize