I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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