wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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