we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
