Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
