Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
