It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He better not be in your backpack
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
