At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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