my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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