awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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