i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
