Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
