I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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