yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
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Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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