woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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