once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You are a genius and a whore.
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