I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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