sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My ATM looks so different sober.
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Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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