1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
