Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
