That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
