Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
