Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
