i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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