the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
