do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
