I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
