ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
